Did you really say that?

Now I don’t know if I should admit this but I I have one of my ex’s login information for his social networking account (before yall get all judgmental, he knows and doesn’t care). We really are just friends.  Anyway, when I am bored I may log on for entertainment purposes (or just because I am nosey). Some of the messages that he receives are quite comical. As a result, I started asking myself, “Do us women/men think about some of the things we write/say before we send/say them?”

I am definitely guilty of having those “Stick foot in mouth” moments but some of the things people say I really believe could have been prevented. Anyway, here are a couple of “Did you really say that?”

Girl writes this to guy:

“I know that this is going to seem really crazy because we don’t even know each other. And then it is going to sound even crazier that I am sending you this message through facebook but I thought I would let you know that you were in my dream last night.” <- Did she really write that to a guy! If you thought it was going to make you sound crazy and you didn’t want him to think you were crazy, why did you send him a facebook message telling him exactly what would make you seem crazy?!

There is this man that has been trying to take a friendship to another level, one day or text message is as follows: (spelling is exactly how he spells)

Him: “Do you no what quick sand is and what it can do? If your not sure look it up and answer that.”

Me: “I know what quicksand is and that you sink if you are stuck in it. What are you implying?”

Him: “I’m like quicksand don’t fight me if you do you’ll sink deeper and deeper. Im just sayingJ”

WHAT?????? Maybe, I am tripping but would this text convo have any of you ladies ready to get trapped in his “quicksand.” It sure did not have me feeling any kind of way! Matter of fact something is a little creepy when a man says, “don’t fight me.”

While watching an episode of millionaire matchmaker I could not believe the conversation. Let me set the scene. The millionaire is a retired nfl player and is on a FIRST (I draw attention to first b/c everyone does not have to air their dirty laundry out) date with the girl that he was most interested in from the mixer. They are headed to a romantic, roof-top dinner.

Her: “So you know I am a single mom and I have to look out for myself. Thus, I googled you. And it is said that you don’t pay your child support.”

WHAT???? Lady, you are on a first date! That is not an appropriate question to ask at all! How offensive and none of your business on the first date!

Anyway, blogs are meant to be random. Hope you enjoyed my randomness!

I'd rather be your nothing than your sometimes something...

Do you ever wonder what makes us feel so desperate or inferior to another person that we will settle to be their sometimes something? In the begining process of "dating" it is not unusual to go a couple of days without hearing from one another; however, if you have been talking to someone for awhile, is it still fair that you guys only communicate when it is convenient for him or her?

I know so many women and men that pass up a mate that wants to be their everything so they can be somebody else's sometimes something. What makes the "I'll talk to you when its convenient for me" person so desirable? I can't explain exactly why some of us lust for the person that pays us the least attention but I know that eventually most of us come to the realization that we deserve all or nothing.

So, with the new year there is no better time to step back and analyze who you are letting treat you as their "sometimes something." Ask yourself, why you will settle to be their option while they are your priority. The answers may be hard to comprehend but the results will be invaluable. I feel like any man that has me is lucky because I know what I bring to the table. I also know that I will never find the man that I am happy to have if I settle to be a sometimes something. You should feel the same way. So today make it known that you deserve everything or he/she deserves nothing!

Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle

I read a quote by Mr. Abraham Lincoln that said, “Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.” We all know that the world doesn’t pay us for what we know but for what we do; but do we always take action? One thing that seems to separate winners from losers is that winners take action. So, are you a highly action-oriented person or do you just talk about all the things you want?

Ray Kroc, the founder of McDonalds, said, “There are three keys to success: 1. Being at the right place at the right time. 2. Knowing you are there. 3. Taking action. <- Did you catch that last one? TAKING ACTION! It doesn’t matter where you are or who you know if you don’t have enough initiative to take action!  NO one is privileged to anything in life simply because they are born or they think they deserve it.  Behind every great achievement is a story of education, training, practice, discipline, and sacrifice. You have to be willing to pay the price! So what are you waiting for? Be Willing!

FUNNY STORY:  A Story is told of a man who goes to church and prays, “God I need a break. I need to win the state lottery. I’m counting on you, God.” Having not won the lottery, the man returns to church a week later and once again prays, “God about that state lottery…I’ve been kind to my wife. I’ve given up drinking. I’ve been really good. Give me a break. Let me win the lottery.” A week later, still no richer, he returns to pray once again. “God, I don’t seem to be getting through to you on this state lottery thing. I’ve been using positive self-talk, saying affirmations, and visualizing the money. Give me a break, God. Let me win the lottery.” Suddenly the heavens open, white light and heavenly music flood into the church, and a deep voice says, “My son, give me a break! Buy a lottery ticket!”

If you don’t take action, you can't expect results!

Why did we even put a label on it?

And another one bites the dust. My girlfriend and her guy decided to become “official” but it’s funny because I am starting to realize that men and women have different opinions about what a “boyfriend/girlfriend commitment” is. She thought it meant-“I am no longer talking to any of the men I once talked to” and he thought it meant “I am still talking to every female I talked to, plus new ones; but I will just lie about it so she doesn’t find out.” Well, needless to say she found out.  As a result, she is asking herself, “How can he love me? Why did he even make a commitment in the first place?”

So why do men make the commitment if they are not ready to be committed? I think, he decides, “She is special. Something about her makes me want to brand her with my initials and let all other men know that she is mine.” As a result, she stops entertaining other men because she is in a committed, monogamous relationship. Unfortunately, like the situation above something like snooping or bad timing happens and she finds out the monogamy part of the relationship is a one-sided deal. At that point many of us females question whether he loves or cares about us at all.

I have asked several male friends the question, “Can you really care/love us if ONE of us is obviously not enough to satisfy?” Most male’s response: Doesn’t mean I don’t love you because I talk to other girls. They have nothing to do with how I feel about you. It just means that I still find other women intriguing but I find you most intriguing and that is why you have my commitment in the form of a title.

            Really?! Should we settle to be the most intriguing of all the women? Is it fair that because we get the number 1 position that we should just turn our backs until he gets bored of “Miss Entertaining for right now?” Or pretend that there is no “Miss Entertaining for right now?” Will his definition of commitment ever change to include monogamy?

MY PERSPECTIVE: Only you know the heart of the person you decide to give your heart too. No woman wants to share her man but no woman wants to give up the man who she knows is growing into a great man. Women aren’t perfect and either are men. If he loves you, he respects you, if he respects you, he NEVER lets you feel insecure in the relationship on the account of another intriguing woman. So judge his heart and judge your security in being with him, if you have an ounce of doubt about the gauge level on either, it might be time to throw the deuces.       

Feels so Good to be FREE...

Although, I never speak to my most recent ex anymore a situation happened and we corresponded a little bit. It got me to thinking how at one point I pictured spending the rest of my life with him. I was so stuck on him. Even when we weren’t together anymore I constantly held onto the “one day he will come around.” Although, I pretended I was alright that him and I weren’t together anymore, I was not letting myself get over him and it was making me miserable. Anytime, I would have the opportunity to talk to him or see him I was doing it. Whether I realized it or not, I was waiting for the day he had that “flash bulb” moment and realized he made a big mistake. Man, I never thought I could get over him.  But as time ticked and ticked, I spaced myself from him and occupied my thoughts with everything but him.

To talk to him and find that this conversation was different become an “ah ha” moment I never thought I would have. It was funny because once the conversation was over, there was no yearning in my heart or no thoughts in my mind pondering the idea of maybe we can get back together. I felt FREE! So many times when a break up is fresh, and especially when the break up is a result of him not wanting YOU anymore, it is so hard to accept the rejection and move on. We become so engulfed in the fact that “you don’t get to decide that you don’t want me anymore without my consent” that we treat getting back together like it’s the missing ingredient to creating a happy life. So my purpose of this post? WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO FINALLY FEEL FREE? My opinion:

1.    NO we cannot be friends! Ladies, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment if you think the man that you love and you can ONLY be friends. Why do this to yourselves? If you get that burning feeling in your chest thinking of him being with another female than friendship is not for you guys. Look at all your male friends (sad I have to say this but- STRICTLY male friends) and ask yourself, why do you enjoy having a male friend. My answer is- he gives me a male perspective, we have fun, I can talk to him about relationship problems, he can talk to me about his relationship problems, we give each other advice. <- Catch that. You know each other’s business and can comment because there are no ulterior motives on either parties side.

2.    He doesn’t get to have his cake and eat it too! We get used to the companionship. So we will settle for an occasional him instead of no him at all. In reality, doing this is keeping you there, letting him be a part time lover (backtracking everything you guys ever built), and lowering yourself worth. We are fabulous so if a man does not realize how rare and priceless you are he doesn’t deserve you at his convenience! YOU ARE NOT A PIECE OF RECYCABLE PLASTIC!

3.    Occupy your time. Go out! Have fun! Be crazy! Take on new projects! Volunteer! Date even if the man doesn’t have the potential for you to one day take on his last name! Improve yourself! Do everything you possibly can that makes you a better you and takes your focus off of being a couple.

Hurt takes time to heal. A cut doesn’t heal over night but it does heal. Believe me when your hurt heals and you can feel whole without a man in your life you’ll be so GLAD you got to moving along when you did! YOU’LL FEEL SO GOOD TO BE FREE!

If he doesn’t feel this way about you, then he doesn’t deserve you! LOVE this song!

Ok. I want to apologize because I have been the worst blogger PERIOD!!! There are so many things that I have wanted to post lately and haven’t! Well, IM BACK!!!