Although, I never speak to my most recent ex anymore a situation happened and we corresponded a little bit. It got me to thinking how at one point I pictured spending the rest of my life with him. I was so stuck on him. Even when we weren’t together anymore I constantly held onto the “one day he will come around.” Although, I pretended I was alright that him and I weren’t together anymore, I was not letting myself get over him and it was making me miserable. Anytime, I would have the opportunity to talk to him or see him I was doing it. Whether I realized it or not, I was waiting for the day he had that “flash bulb” moment and realized he made a big mistake. Man, I never thought I could get over him. But as time ticked and ticked, I spaced myself from him and occupied my thoughts with everything but him.
To talk to him and find that this conversation was different become an “ah ha” moment I never thought I would have. It was funny because once the conversation was over, there was no yearning in my heart or no thoughts in my mind pondering the idea of maybe we can get back together. I felt FREE! So many times when a break up is fresh, and especially when the break up is a result of him not wanting YOU anymore, it is so hard to accept the rejection and move on. We become so engulfed in the fact that “you don’t get to decide that you don’t want me anymore without my consent” that we treat getting back together like it’s the missing ingredient to creating a happy life. So my purpose of this post? WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO FINALLY FEEL FREE? My opinion:
1. NO we cannot be friends! Ladies, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment if you think the man that you love and you can ONLY be friends. Why do this to yourselves? If you get that burning feeling in your chest thinking of him being with another female than friendship is not for you guys. Look at all your male friends (sad I have to say this but- STRICTLY male friends) and ask yourself, why do you enjoy having a male friend. My answer is- he gives me a male perspective, we have fun, I can talk to him about relationship problems, he can talk to me about his relationship problems, we give each other advice. <- Catch that. You know each other’s business and can comment because there are no ulterior motives on either parties side.
2. He doesn’t get to have his cake and eat it too! We get used to the companionship. So we will settle for an occasional him instead of no him at all. In reality, doing this is keeping you there, letting him be a part time lover (backtracking everything you guys ever built), and lowering yourself worth. We are fabulous so if a man does not realize how rare and priceless you are he doesn’t deserve you at his convenience! YOU ARE NOT A PIECE OF RECYCABLE PLASTIC!
3. Occupy your time. Go out! Have fun! Be crazy! Take on new projects! Volunteer! Date even if the man doesn’t have the potential for you to one day take on his last name! Improve yourself! Do everything you possibly can that makes you a better you and takes your focus off of being a couple.
Hurt takes time to heal. A cut doesn’t heal over night but it does heal. Believe me when your hurt heals and you can feel whole without a man in your life you’ll be so GLAD you got to moving along when you did! YOU’LL FEEL SO GOOD TO BE FREE!
So I know we dont know each other at all but I came across your blog somehow and I am so glad I did. I am currently going through the same thing and the break up is so fresh it hurts so much. Everything you said is so true and hopefully will help me realize I am better then that because my ex wants to be able to have his cake and eat it to and I let him over and over again and I am the only one who is getting hurt not him. So thank you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Alex. When break-ups are fresh it feels like the end of the world. I remember in college my ex broke up with me and I wanted him back so bad even though he treated me like crap. One day I bust into his apartment and found him having a great time with this girl. From that moment on if I saw her car on campus I would cry immediately and feel so inferior like she was better than me. Long story short, I called my dad and he said something that stuck with me, "Why are you hurt? He has not changed and he is not going to treat her any different than he did you." I say that to say, sometimes it isn't even about him anymore. Moving on becomes so hard because of what we are afraid the future doesn't hold for us or what it does.
ReplyDelete1. He is going to treat her the way that we always wanted him to treat us. Most of the time this is not true. Old dogs seldomly learn new tricks within a matter of days, or weeks, or years. And if he does treat her better- HE still didn't treat you how you deserved so consider it as a blessing and not has a void in your life.
2. We will never find anyone like him. Why do we want someone like him who doesn'g appreciate the wonderful woman in front of him.
3. How can it be so easy for him. We tend to look at ourselves like what is wrong with us. NOTHING is wrong with us. Even Halle Berry has been broken hearted.
I know that moving on and being strong is hard but as long as you keep letting him hurt you staying seems to be hard. It took time to fall in love with him and it will certainly take twice as much time to fall out of love with him. But you are beautiful and amazing and quite capable of getting past the hurt of a man who doesn't deserve you.
I love this Heather!! I just told one of my friends the other day that you cannot be friends with a man you were in love with. She didn't believe me. But I love it.
ReplyDeleteTee