Why can't I be on you team:(

Description

I know I look like a girly girl but I am EXTREMELY competitive (I’ll race you to see who can drink their water fastest or try and bet on EVERYTHING). I played a little sports in high school and intramural stuff in college. My FAVORITE sport to play is basketball. I love it. I have not played in a LONG time (except that street ball game I had down in the park this past summer against this fat dude so that doesn’t count because he just kept boxing me out. Unfair game) so I decided that I was going to try and get on a team at the gym and play a game or two (if we win). Problem is NO one will pick me for their team! I know there is only one gym and everyone else wants to play BUT come on I can shoot better than that guy! The being picked last and not being picked up at all b/c teams are “full” (until that 6 foot 8 guy walks in and says he has next) hurt my confidence a little and had me ashamed to step on the court. I just want to let them know that I am going to be back. I am waking up early, running suicides, doing dribbling drill, and shooting until my arm falls off! I am going to show them. Next time everyone is going to be signing up to be on my team! Take that guys at LA Fitness gym! Hahahahahaha (oh, that was an evil laugh, in case you didn’t know)

Men vs. Women

Last night I had the chance to catch up with one of my favorite homeboy’s who I haven’t talked to in forever. Last time I spoke with him, he had officially got a girlfriend and was, in girls terms, “head over heels.” (we know you men would NEVER say you are head over heels for a chick.) Anyway, a part of our conversation went a little like this:

Me: So, how are you and the girlfriend?

Him: We are probably going to break up. I wanted her to come visit (they are in a long term relationship now b/c his job just relocated)for my birthday but she kept giving me the run around. Then she called last minute to ask if I was going to fly her out (after tickets jumped triple in price. I’m tired of her. I have this new girl I’m going to start talking to.

Me: New girl, already? Don’t be too sad about your still GIRLFRIEND who thinks you guys have a committed relationship (you know where if things get conflicting, you talk about it and try to resolve because you care about her)…

This got me to thinking, IT SEEMS LIKE IT IS SO MUCH EASIER FOR MEN TO MOVE ON FROM A RELATIONSHIP THAN WOMEN. Why is that? Well, I think I have an answer (my blog so my opinion)…

MEN know they have options. They look at the “feed up” point in a relationship as an opportunity to find something else that makes them happy. They realize that there is something else that makes them happy. (I am referring to cases where things just aren’t working out not because he is being a cheating dog or grass is greener guy)

WOMEN are sketchy as to whether or not we will find anyone that we will like again on the level of a relationship. We don’t know if we will meet another guy we will be attracted to like him, make us laugh like him, or someone that made us feel the way he did.

Did you notice the difference? Men see options. Men want something different than what they didn’t work out with. Women see an option. They only still see “him” and finding someone just like the “him” so they try to make it work with him until that is not an option.

The mind is such a powerful thing! If you can control your thinking and keep your mind clear you will be amazed at how clearly you view situations and how easy conclusions about situations are reached. Dating is a gamble. You either win or lose but like any Gamblers Anonymous member will tell you… You still keep playing b/c eventually you’re going to win!

“Yeah she fine but she party all the time…” – This quote could describe a section of my life. I LOVE to go out with the girls and PARTY. Some of my FAVORITE past times have happened in various clubs across the United States. I never got dressed and made up to get hollered at by the boys, I honestly loved to PARTY! However, the life of a rock-star is not all glitzy and glamorous. It is so easy to get caught up in the big city lights and in the midst of the lights you lose sight of who you are, what your morals were, and add regret to your life. 

If you are having trouble recognizing who you are or find yourself saying, “Why did I do that? I know better.” Only to do it again then it might be time to take a time-out. Separation from the crowd and time off the scene allows you to separate the “right now fun” from the “goals and ambitions I have in life.”  You can only lose yourself when you no longer become concerned with where you are or what you do.

A day in the life of an EXTRA

I have never had the aspiration to be an actress but when a friend called and asked me if I would like to be an extra on a popular television show that is coming out I agreed. I am always up for a new experience and in this chapter of figuring out what I am passionate about in life it never hurts to try new things. So, my directions indicated that I needed to be on location at 10AM. I wake up extra early and arrive ten minutes until 10AM (trying to make a great first impression b/c I am usually late!).

Initially, all the extra’s are sitting at tables with chairs until we are asked to move into a corner with folding chairs because the table and regular chairs are for the cast and crew. “So, okay cool. I know my place. Everyone has to start at the bottom.” After sitting for 3 hours FINALLY called on set. I was a little nervous but nonetheless ready to get my silent acting on. After about take 5 million and ten, I started to think I don’t believe I am passionate about this acting thing.

Bathroom time. A friend of mine and I use the bathroom by set. On our way out of the restroom and back to set we see a snack table and just wanted a couple of almonds. Right as we are about to reach for some nuts we hear someone politely say, “I believe your snack table is downstairs this is for cast and crew only.” DANG! Talk about reality check. If the camera’s and being on set for a couple of hours were starting to give me the big head that certainly brought me back to reality! LOL!

Lunch Time. Shooting stops for about half and hour so everyone can eat lunch. Which let me remind you, lunch was at 6:30 PM. The extra’s had to wait in our corner until everyone else fixed their plates first.

Still shooting. Around 1AM with no sign of someone yelling “It’s a wrap” I was still waiting for the second scene I was supposed to be in. It was at that very moment I decided acting was not my passion.

Why do I always have to eat the last 7 cookies!?

To say that I love food would be an understatement because I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVEEEE food. Food is like my back stabbing friend and frankly some of “food” I could do without in my life. Food has his/her good and bad qualities. I call the good for you food like veggies, fruit, lean meat “her” and the bad for you food like cookies, cake, bread, ice cream “him.” I have been having this love/hate relationship with food for awhile now. Why couldn’t God have blessed me to be one of those flat stomach, cute butt, nice size breast, eat whatever I want type of girls? Then “him” food and I could be best friends. Now i’ve been straddling the fence for some time now about how and when I am going to let “him” food know that we can no longer “kick it” like we have been. I said I was going to do it last year when I noticed my pudge, that used to only appear when I sat down, starting to make itself visible when I stood up. Then 6 months ago when my pudge joined forces with my whole midsection and decided to hangover my jeans, making me a “muffin top,” I knew that was the perfect moment. So today I wore a pencil skirt to work and by lunch time noticed my skin was rubbed raw on my inner thighs. The cause? My things have decided they want to fight each other by rubbing together every step I take! To add to the reality of what “him” food is doing to me I think I have booty do?! (For those of you not familiar with term it is when your stomach sticks out farther than your booty do)

SO today I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! If I don’t like something about myself I am the only person that can change it. No more weak, vulnerable me. Today is the day that I tell “him” food we must part ways.

“You have to change your mind set about food.

It is not for your enjoyment and pleasure

Food is to nourish your body.”

Note to self: The hardest part is ALWAYS the beginning. If I don’t begin then I can never achieve the me I want to see. Below are some rules to get US  started on establishing and maintaining a healthful diet:

Rule 1: Calories count. Determine your BMR (this is the number of calories your body needs to function at the most basic level).

            Women: BMR= 655+(4.35 x weight in pounds) + (4.7 x height in inches) – (4.7 x age in years)

                Men: BMR= 66+(6.32 x weight in pounds) + (12.7 x height in inches) – (6.8 x age in years)

Rule 2: Eat every four hours (not “him” food though) and no skipping meals!

Rule 3:  No processed or Junk Foods- PERIOD.

Rule 4: Beat the bloat! Minimize sodium intake, maximize water intake.

Rule 5: No Booze (Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t particularly like rule 5!)

Rule 6: Keep a food journal (I met a man the other day that lost 60 pounds last year. I asked him how he was able to do it. He said that the food journal helped immensely, “something about holding myself accountable for everything I put into my mouth.”)

Too keep it humorous and fun check out a clip from Wanda Sykes standup where she talks about her roll name Ester! (Starts at min 3.44) HILARIOUS.

Are you perfect? I didn’t think so…

Why are people so quick to judge one another like they live a perfect life? Women and men are both guilty of picking apart someone’s decisions and collectively roasting them until they find the next victim. Am I mistaken or was Jesus Christ not the only man to walk this earth sin free? But then again he was beat and ridiculed so why should us sinners expect people to have mercy on us.

I say this to say that only YOU live your life. On judgment day no one defends the decisions you made in life except you. We are ALL guilty of talking about what he or she did and while we do so we push our own vices to the back of our minds. Why? Could it be that exposing someone else keeps the X-ray machine from radiating us? I know when I have talked about others I felt a sense of superiority over them. A feeling that I am in a sense better because I don’t do this or don’t do that when in reality I may not do the same stuff but I am certainly just as human.

One day I asked my father what he wants in life his reply, “For everyone to be happy. When everyone is happy they are not worried about what I got going on over here. They aren’t trying to take what someone else because they feel like they deserve it.” Until then I never really thought about it that way. So when I talk about others in a degrading and judgmental way can I still say that I am happy with where I am at? After all, if we were happy would we feed off of “hating” (I hate this term but it seemed to be the fitting word) on someone else’s life or would we be so blissful in our own that we wouldn’t have time to notice the flaws of another person trying to make their place in this world? JUST SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.

Decide what you want

I don’t know about you but the hardest transition I have had to go through is the one from college to the real world. It is as if I don’t even know me. I once read, “You don’t really start living until you are 40 because the first 20 years of your life someone tells you what to do and the second 20 years of your life you figure out what YOU want to do.” I am starting to see the truth in this statement. I lived a life where I did what I thought you were supposed to do and never really took the time to stop and figure out what I was passionate about. How many of you can relate?

“ The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want.” – Ben Stein

I am currently reading a book entitled, “The Success Principles. How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be” (if in your mind you just thought “Oh heck no I am not reading anymore of this self-help junkies posts”… let me finish!) by Jack Canfield. The book has a straightforward, empowering way of helping you realize where you want to go in your life and exactly how to get there.

If you are like me and find yourself unsure of what you want, Jack introduces a terrific exercise that I encourage you to try:

1.       Make an “I WANT” list

One of the easiest ways to begin clarifying what you truly want is to make a list of 30 things you want to do, 30 things you want to have, and 30 things you want before you die.

2.       Make a list of 20 things you love to do, and then think of ways you can make a living doing some of those things.

For example, if you love sports, you could play, be a sportswriter, photographer, or work in sports management.

3.       Create a vision of where you want to be. To create a balanced and successful life, your vision needs to include the following seven areas: work and career, finances, recreation and free time, health and fitness, relationships, personal goals, and contribution to the larger community.

“IF YOU GET CLEAR ON THE WHAT,

THE HOW WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF”

PEOPLE STILL PRANK CALL???

Me: Good Morning this is Heather (as I answer my work phone)

Caller: Morning Gorgeous. How are you?

Me: I am doing well.

Caller: Do you know who this is?

Me: Umm… not really. May I ask who?

Caller: How many men call you gorgeous? Think…

Me: Quite a few this morning (I was lying) and is it Mike (one of our clients)?

Caller: Yeah. How is your dating life?

Me: Pretty much nonexsistant. How did your job interview go?

Caller: You’re picky huh? I want to pull your panties off. (Dial Tone)

What? I was confused. Who prank calls someone at 7 AM? Does this really count as a prank? Isn’t the rule of a prank call that you have to laugh or something before you hang up?

You can't just PAUSE because you decide!

“ You just do you while I do me

Promise ill be back, just wait and see…” ßDid he really just say that to me?

Timing is CRAZY. Is it possible to meet the right person at the wrong time? If it is the right person, does timing really matter? Or if it is the right person and the wrong time, won’t you guys eventually come back to one another at the right time?

When dealing with the opposite sex it seems that the same scenario plays over and over again:

“He meets a wonderful woman who has ALL the qualities he desires in a wife. Problem is he doesn’t desire a wife at this moment in his life. So he pauses the “next step” and takes a step aside. He leaves her to “do her” while “he does he” verbally expressing that he doesn’t care if she talks to other people. The reality of his words he doesn’t hear because in the back of his mind he is confident that SHE will still be there when he decides to come back around. A gamble so many men are willing to take.”

This is so UNFAIR to us! My take on the situation - no one should EVER wait around for anyone! I will quote the most cliché statement EVER, “If it’s meant to be it will be” on this one because I truly believe that. But until it IS there is absolutely NO waiting for him to be the man you one day envision him to be! You are FAR to extraordinary to do that! If he chooses to come back around hopefully you will still be around and if not he can always sing my FAV song by Miguel ft. J. Cole:

“I never thought I see that day that you’re my old girl

Now I’m stuck here hollering at old girl

Got one, Got two three four girls

Shotgun in the drop made her right

Hut one Hut two told them niggas take a hike

Then it’s on to the next one on to the next one

Hard to move on when you always regret one

I wanted some time. I wondered if I was wrong

Trying to do right by you got me here

Now all I am is alone

Cause honey our closeness and that

don’t compare at all

And I bet all do is distract me but now

Deep down when I face it

All I want is you

All I want is you

All I want is you now

Now that you’re gone, gone, gone

Weight on my chest like I body build

I’m praying

You ain’t content with trying to do your thang

Hey come back baby boomerang

That's why

All I want is you now

All I want is you now

All I want is you now

Now that you’re gone, gone, gone,gone

You know that you're gone”

"LIFE IS LIKE A COMBINATION LOCK; YOUR JOB IS TO FIND THE RIGHT NUMBERS, IN THE RIGHT ORDER, SO YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT."
-Brian Tracy

If it's small, was that all?

Let’s imagine, you have met the man of your dreams. He is gorgeous, has a great career, comes from a great family, and adores you; basically you could not have designed a better man for yourself. He is too good to be true! Now let’s imagine you were the perfect lady and waited until marriage (or at least until a serious committed relationship) to “do the do” so your heart is in the relationship. Your man, let’s call him Chad, has set up a perfect evening because “tonight is the night.” Anticipation has been building all day, candles are lit, music is playing, pants come down and UGH! What the waka flaka is that? You knew it was too good to be true. He has a little itty bitty microscopic _____ (you guys are smart you get the picture).

What is the next step? Does this have to be the end or do you become an advocate of “it’s not the size of the wave; it’s the motion in the ocean”? How important is the size of a man’s little man’s package if his big man package is perfect for you? If you are ever faced this situation I encourage you to ponder a few things before you make a decision:

#1: How do we even know it is small? Women were not made to have an abundance of sexual partners. Assuming, that all females were very strong-minded, selective female’s size would never be an issue because we would not know what to compare against.

#2: Would you trade having a smile on your face 90% of the time because you refuse to even experience what he is working with?

#3. All of us women were not blessed with a booty or boobies but we all have unique personalities and characteristics that make any man who catches us LUCKY. What if his one determining factor for talking to you was, “You are everything I want in a woman but I can’t get over the fact that you have size A breasts.” Pretty shallow, huh?

Just a couple of things to think about. Only you know what satisfies you at the end of the day. Oh, I guess I should make a disclaimer, huh? I know from experience how brutal people are so let me say this post is not personal for me. I just got to thinking about it when the Ocho Cinco vs. Stoudamire pictures surfaced.

"Does this picture change how you felt about me?"

Pump the breaks or Put the pedal to the metal?

When the good outweighs the bad they say it is time to let go. The problem is the little bit of good is so GOOD it often takes five million bad’s to equal one good. Could this be the reason one find’s oneself caught up at the intersection of “holding on” and “letting go” for so long? In the case of the “at the intersection love” each of these streets have their own potholes and faded lines. So when one has found oneself becoming an experienced “borderline lover” which road to take depends on the condition of the shocks on their car.

Let’s say you decide to stay on “holding on street” because you have invested so much time and energy that to pursue a new destination would make the street you’ve been traveling on just a waste of gas. This reasoning has some validity because no one wants to give up on something they have invested a lot of their time and energy in. On the other hand, if you are constantly stopping your car to determine whether the relationship is worth it you are wasting more than gas. You are missing out on new paths and wasting a lot of energy on something that still could be over 500 miles down the road.

So, you decide you value your car too much to keep driving it down a road that has been under construction with no sign of completion. You are scared because you don’t know if the road ahead will be smooth or bumpy, scenic or boring, or if you will ever find another person to ride in the passenger side. The unknown is scary, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, but the unkown can be fun.  

When the bad outweighs the good you can never enjoy when the good outweighs the bad. Letting go is difficult but staying is experiencing difficulty over and over again with no promise of a different outcome. If you are sitting at the intersection not sure which way to turn look down at your gas gauge and ask yourself if you want to continue to drive down a dead end street or discover a new horizon.

FRIENDSHIP QUOTE!

Female friends.... How many of us have them?

I would like to say that I have NEVER had a COMPLETE "falling out" with a female friend but unfortanetly it does happen. Whenever a friendship ceases to exist I always come to the conclusion that who I thought she was, was completely different from who she actually portrayed. They say it takes time to discover who a person really is. I assure you whoever the "they" is, knew what they were talking about! I quickly gave her the label "friend" when she should have been labeled "Phony". Now I am not on here to downgrade another female, especially one I had much love for in the past. Honestly, if she could have just kept it real we could still be friends to this day.


The reason for this post is my curiousity as to why it is so difficult for females to have GIRLfriends. I have heard many females say, "I have very few girlfriends" or "I get along better with males because it is hard to find females you can trust." This is really sad. The people who understand women the most, us, can't trust one another and can't form supporting relationships to uplift each other. I don't know about you but I LOVE having female friends. Sure male friends are able to offer that male perspective when we need it but let's face it a GREAT male friend still leaves a void that only a GREAT female friend can fill. So females what is it going to take for us to see past ourselves and be the type of friend to all females that we want for ourselves?

I want to challenge females to try the following every once in awhile. See how you feel about yourself and who knows maybe a true girlfriend relationship will blossom?


1. Compliment another female and truly mean it. Thus, save this task until you really find something about another female that you truly like! (Plus, no one loves a phony!)


2. Evaluate the exact reason you are no longer friends with a girl you were once super tight with. Was the reason petty? You don't have to rekindle the friendship but maybe you were so mad about the situation you never took the time to consider if YOU contributed to the problem. (I know this one is hard because we ARE never the problem it is ALWAYS the other person....uh huh...)


3. Adopt a lunch date girlfriend. Maybe someone you would have never hung out with but try her out. Even if a best friend does not result you can always learn something from everyone you encounter in life.


4. Help a female out. Volunteer once or twice at Batered Women's Shelter, help a single mother, visit an elderly woman, etc. these women could always use a helping hand and a shoulder to lean on. Face it us women need to start supporting one another.


5. ALWAYS practice being happy for the females around you no matter how unhappy you are. Jealousy is nothing but the devil trying to convince you that you have nothing going on in your own life worth being content about. REMEMBER when God created you as a woman you already were made perfect:-)