What is this void and how do I fill it?

Sometimes everything feels perfect. I feel happy, joyful, content, and loved. I feel like I am living my life the way that I am supposed to. I feel like I am making the right decisions and that the sunshine is following me everywhere I am going. I am an optimist in every sense of the word! Then something happens, my life starts to feel stagnant, I start looking at what is missing, start searching for something because even in the happiest of times I can’t place my finger on a void that comes and goes. There comes the question- “What is life about?”

This cycle comes and goes. I wonder if everyone has these highs and lows. Are there some people who ALWAYS feel complete and content in their life? I was speaking with a great girlfriend of mine about this “incompleteness”; this “not knowing my ultimate purpose.” She sent me some very wise words that helped my perspective. I would like to share with you:

“Just know that your purpose is always bigger than you. It's never anything small and in your comfort zone. It's going to be something that will be a challenge and a blessing at the same time. And whenever I have that void, I just take about 2-3 min and tell God how much I love him and I appreciate him sending his son to die just for me because nobody else would do that for me...and how he's my source, how he provides me with what I need. I thank him for my parents, friends, my clothes on my back, my car (lol), etc. Anything I can think of and I ask him to fill that void for me because I don't want anything or anyone else to.”

I LOVE IT J! Thanks to my girl!

Are you keeping yourself from happiness?

Everyone has been hurt, betrayed, done wrong, put in a bad situation, forgotten, lied to, cheated on, the list of being disrespected and wronged goes on and on. We have all been there! The funny thing is that some people hold on to past hurts while others hurt, get over it, and move on. What type of person are you?

Are you so consumed with how people have done you wrong in the past that it is consuming your life? I was watching an episode of Oprah in which she was talking about how angry she was at someone. She said that she was so consumed with being angry at this woman that she stayed angry. What opened her eyes about the situation was when she saw the woman at a gas station and the woman was happy. She was smiling and everything was fine! While Oprah was spending her energy being mad, angry, etc. at this woman the culprit was just fine and dandy. This is the case in most situations. The people that consume your energy and keep you angry are usually not giving you a second thought because they have moved on with being happy!

So EXHALE and Get over it! The past is the past and the damage has been done. There is no such thing as a take it back time machine. So you have no choice but to forgive and forget. (Yes, I said forget.) You can never be happy as long as you are consumed with someone else’s life. So next time you find yourself angry and trying to think of ways to sabotage someone’s life ask yourself, “Where is my obsession with wanting them to be unhappy because I am getting me?”  You will find that at the end of the day anger and resentment only keep your most important person –YOU- unhappy.

Have you traded love for a pair of Louboutins and a Louis bag?

I have heard so many women bash the existence of “love” either due to numerous heartbreaks, the love of material possessions, or a combination of both. Some women trade men with vision and morals for men with popularity, money, status, and power. I once had an older man tell me “Men are men. A poor man will put you through the same things as a rich one. So wouldn’t you rather put up with his drama while driving a Mercedes instead of a Kia?” What is so sad is that many women have taken on this mentality. Instead of getting for themselves they put up with men who they don’t really love because they provide them with status, power, money, and possessions- relationships have become business transactions. I may sound naive or like a hopeless romantic but I just refuse to believe that love no longer exists.

There was once a time when women were not able to vote or compete with men in certain professions. Those times are behind us and women like Oprah, Hilary Clinton, Carol Bartz (CEO of Yahoo), etc. have proven that every little girl can grow up to be as successful as she desires. So why are so many women desiring to be rescued or saved by a prince charming? There is nothing wrong with marrying a man that has money, status, or power; however, if you only love him for those things and not for who he is or how he treats you don’t be surprised if you are constantly searching for the next thing to fulfill you.

We have ALL had our hearts broken at one point or another, been filled with resentment toward the “no good” person that left us heart-broken, vowed to never love again, and heard the cliché statement, “Time heals all wounds.” I’m sure Tiger Woods ex-wife does not have to deal with the stress of how am I going to pay my rent but just because she received millions of dollars it doesn’t make her any less hurt or any more happy than those of us working our 9 to 5 who received $0 from our break-up.

Prince Charming shouldn’t be your rescuer or savior but he should be your partner- your best friend. Do not lose site that there are great men out there who want to treat you how you deserve to be treated. Do not give up love so that you can have the latest pair of Louboutins and Louis purse. Instead, feel confident enough to provide for yourself, financially and emotionally. That way when your Prince Charming comes along you can recognize him and choose to be there because you want to be not because you NEED to be. It will not always be easy (matter of fact it won’t be easy at all!) reaching your personal goals but the reward of accomplishment will make the sacrifice worth it. Side Note: Most happily, married women have told me that their prince charming came along when they weren’t even looking for him. SO BE STILL! You don’t want to be stuck with a man you had to trick, stalk, force, or can’t be yourself around.

Wasn't I just fine before you?

After thinking about how depressed I have been after a relationship didn’t work out or someone I really liked only returned the like at their convenience, this thought came to mind, “Wasn’t my life just fine before that person entered?”

Of course, I have heard the notion “Someone can come into your life and make you realize what you have been missing” but let’s be honest most the people that leave us lonely in our lives didn’t deserve to be there in the first place. So why do we feel sad as we stare at the door they left shut behind them? And worse why do some of us allow them to keep a permanent place in our home when they only come back through the door at their convenience!

After all, before that person ever came into our life we would have been just fine. We didn’t feel any void from them, we didn’t think about them constantly, we didn’t CRY over them! Since this is the case shouldn’t we also be content living a happy life when they leave? Of course!!!!!!

Stop being sad and stressed over what wasn’t even a thought in your life at one point! You were just fine before that person and you will be just fine after that person.  Instead of being sad- take the lesson, improve you, and believe me the right person will show up when you least expect them!

Did you really say that?

Now I don’t know if I should admit this but I I have one of my ex’s login information for his social networking account (before yall get all judgmental, he knows and doesn’t care). We really are just friends.  Anyway, when I am bored I may log on for entertainment purposes (or just because I am nosey). Some of the messages that he receives are quite comical. As a result, I started asking myself, “Do us women/men think about some of the things we write/say before we send/say them?”

I am definitely guilty of having those “Stick foot in mouth” moments but some of the things people say I really believe could have been prevented. Anyway, here are a couple of “Did you really say that?”

Girl writes this to guy:

“I know that this is going to seem really crazy because we don’t even know each other. And then it is going to sound even crazier that I am sending you this message through facebook but I thought I would let you know that you were in my dream last night.” <- Did she really write that to a guy! If you thought it was going to make you sound crazy and you didn’t want him to think you were crazy, why did you send him a facebook message telling him exactly what would make you seem crazy?!

There is this man that has been trying to take a friendship to another level, one day or text message is as follows: (spelling is exactly how he spells)

Him: “Do you no what quick sand is and what it can do? If your not sure look it up and answer that.”

Me: “I know what quicksand is and that you sink if you are stuck in it. What are you implying?”

Him: “I’m like quicksand don’t fight me if you do you’ll sink deeper and deeper. Im just sayingJ”

WHAT?????? Maybe, I am tripping but would this text convo have any of you ladies ready to get trapped in his “quicksand.” It sure did not have me feeling any kind of way! Matter of fact something is a little creepy when a man says, “don’t fight me.”

While watching an episode of millionaire matchmaker I could not believe the conversation. Let me set the scene. The millionaire is a retired nfl player and is on a FIRST (I draw attention to first b/c everyone does not have to air their dirty laundry out) date with the girl that he was most interested in from the mixer. They are headed to a romantic, roof-top dinner.

Her: “So you know I am a single mom and I have to look out for myself. Thus, I googled you. And it is said that you don’t pay your child support.”

WHAT???? Lady, you are on a first date! That is not an appropriate question to ask at all! How offensive and none of your business on the first date!

Anyway, blogs are meant to be random. Hope you enjoyed my randomness!

I'd rather be your nothing than your sometimes something...

Do you ever wonder what makes us feel so desperate or inferior to another person that we will settle to be their sometimes something? In the begining process of "dating" it is not unusual to go a couple of days without hearing from one another; however, if you have been talking to someone for awhile, is it still fair that you guys only communicate when it is convenient for him or her?

I know so many women and men that pass up a mate that wants to be their everything so they can be somebody else's sometimes something. What makes the "I'll talk to you when its convenient for me" person so desirable? I can't explain exactly why some of us lust for the person that pays us the least attention but I know that eventually most of us come to the realization that we deserve all or nothing.

So, with the new year there is no better time to step back and analyze who you are letting treat you as their "sometimes something." Ask yourself, why you will settle to be their option while they are your priority. The answers may be hard to comprehend but the results will be invaluable. I feel like any man that has me is lucky because I know what I bring to the table. I also know that I will never find the man that I am happy to have if I settle to be a sometimes something. You should feel the same way. So today make it known that you deserve everything or he/she deserves nothing!